She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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