And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
