fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
