Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
