ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
