just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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