Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
