Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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