I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
