theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
