I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
