Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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