just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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