Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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