I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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