In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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