The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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