9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
