Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
