Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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