We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
