Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
