People in love make me want to vomit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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