I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
