I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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