Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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