i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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