I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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