Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
