I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize