Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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