I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
