Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
