One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
