Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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