So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
