my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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