Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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