i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
