the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
