You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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