Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
