Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
