actually, I'm a sock model
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
