You're my little dorito
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
