dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
