totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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