I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
