Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish my penis had a tongue
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
