This girl is more easily done than said...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
