He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
