I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
