New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
