I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
