I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
