dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
