Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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