Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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