i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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