Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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