My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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